The Biggest Mistake I’ve Made as a Mom

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The Biggest Mistake I've Made as a MomI’m far from being a perfect mom.  I make mistakes all the time.  I can definitely lose my patience and raise my voice from time to time.  My kids don’t have the best sleep schedules (my little one could be part vampire – at least I’ve never had the issue of her waking up before me and getting me out of bed), and I’ll let my kid just eat pasta with olive oil and salt for days so she will JUST EAT SOMETHING.  But I don’t think any of those things are the biggest mistake I’ve made as a mom.

I think the biggest mistake I’ve made as a mom has been to not prioritize having fun and quality time with the kids.  I feel like my interactions are more of the purposeful, task-oriented variety – getting them up and ready for school, eating or rather negotiating eating, making sure homework is done, chauffeuring to extra-curricular activities, getting kids to do chores, etc.  By the end of the day I’m exhausted.  My husband has the bedtime routine where he tells stories and has the quality time.  I feel like my biggest mistake has not been prioritizing the fun and quality time.  Someone does need to keep the ship running and on course, but my mistake has been to be so focused on the ship running that I haven’t focused enough on enjoying the journey with my shipmates – my husband and kids.

I shared before the story of my challenging childhood with my mom.  When I was young it seemed my mom was only focused on making sure we ate, were clean, did homework, did our chores, etc. Those were important things, but I don’t have any memories of fun times with her as a child.  In contrast, I have vivid memories of going to the duck pond or the library with my dad or just sitting and having tea with him and talking.  The fact that I don’t have any similar memories with my mom makes me very sad.  The thought of my kids might not having similar memories with me makes me even sadder.

So, I have shifted some things.  I am sharing some other duties with my husband and taking my turns at bedtimes and story times.  I am prioritizing fun outings with the kids and fun experiences, because I want to leave my kids with great memories (not of how much homework I got them to do, but of how much joy we managed to have).  How about you?  How do you get quality time in with your kids?

I took Aliza on a boating and kayaking trip.

Last weekend I took Aliza on a boating and kayaking trip.

Monick HalmMonick Paul Halm is the Chief Creative Officer at the Checklist Mom.  She has made it her mission to empower women and moms to thrive in their lives, families, and careers.  She’s a busy mom of 3, certified life and career coach, author, speaker, and real estate investor.  She’s a wearer of many hats, and juggler of many duties and loves connecting with our moms.  You can connect with her on the Checklist Mom Facebook Page and on twitter as @thereikicoach.

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10 Responses to “The Biggest Mistake I’ve Made as a Mom”

  1. Martha Says:

    My children are grown and I now have 7 grandchildren amd 3 1/2 great grand children. We need to make time for our children so they will grow u0 and be the best parents foe their children.

    Reply

  2. Kebba Buckley Button Says:

    Monick, you raise a powerful point: joy should be a priority in raising our kids and in other relationships. The major dimension missing from my youth was joy. My parents were very serious and very sincere, but they couldn’t teach us what they didn’t know: fun, joy, play. Reading your post has helped me to release my (useless) regret over what I didn’t have. Today I teach the importance of joy and Upbeat Living. You rock!

    Reply

    • Monick Halm Says:

      Kebba Thank you! Glad this helped you release something. Sometimes we learn more from what we “didn’t have” or what “didn’t work.” I know that I learned more from my mom NOT doing it than maybe I would have if she’d been always happy-go-lucky. And I’m glad you’re teaching about joy and upbeat living. It’s definitely something we need more of in this world

      Reply

  3. Jeanine @ The Storybook Healing Blog Says:

    As a single mom, boy can I relate to what you are saying!! I have had to try to make the same shift in order to make sure I spend quality time with my son.

    And the thing is, I homeschool him and one of the reasons I chose to do that was to make sure we’d spend plenty of time together. But I learned that even that can be task-focused instead of a way to connect.

    Thanks for the reminder to keep my eye on the ball!

    Jeanine

    Reply

    • Monick Halm Says:

      Yes, I work from home and spend a lot of time with my daughter and sometimes that makes it even harder to focus on “quality time.” Glad you could relate. Thanks for your comment.

      Reply

  4. Keesha Says:

    Wow your daughter is the spitting image of you. You two even pose alike!I admire your decision to spend more fun time with your kids. Because at the end of the day, so many of us as Moms are so busy being Super Mom that we forget to just relax and have fun. Fathers, as you rightly pointed out, sometimes know how to have fun with their kids more than we Moms do. I too need to have more fun with my kids. Thanks for the inspiration :).

    Reply

  5. Nick #thisyearinmusic Says:

    Everyone makes mistakes, even parents. But as long as you learn from them, and try not to make them again then its cool! Sounds like you are finding that balance.

    Reply

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